On hour twelve, of the sixteen hours of yoga this weekend, I was laying in Savasana. I was trying to keep my mind present. As I focused on being positive, a thought crept into my mind. What the hell am I going to do? Images of living in a tent on some friends' property came to mind. I went to that property a lot growing up. It was also the last place I saw my dad before he died four years ago. I was picturing the cool crystal river water that I played in with my dad. Suddenly, waves of colored light were washing over me. Daddy. The tidal wave of emotion that followed shook me physically. Lying in Savasana I was sobbing uncontrollably. The gates had opened and all my fear, worry, and pain were escaping. My amazing teacher Dennis asked me if I was okay. He told me it was alright. Eventually, I calmed down and my fellow yoginis were very sweet and supportive.
Dennis later talked about the fear that is for survival versus an artificial fear. Though the fear of where am I going to live is a real fear, it doesn't need to govern me. It is easy to get into a pattern of being fearful all the time. Always worrying. What I found this weekend is that I was stripped down. Down to a more true me. I almost feel like bones, muscles, and blood with no skin. Just wrapped in raw emotion. The emotions are always there just under the surface.
I am an emotional person and since I heard about emotional release from yoga, I figured it would happen to me. I hoped it wouldn't, but now it has, and it was a good thing. Now at the end of this amazing weekend, I just have to figure out...how to put my skin back on.